Waking up in the morning is a little different these days. As I said to Jim on Wednesday evening as we were preparing for bed, "I woke up this morning okay, now I'm going to bed as with cancer." Caregiver becomes patient.
Life has changed. I have read others talk about "life before/after" as being two different concepts and wondered if it really felt that demarcated, but the answer for me, at least for now, is yes. The life in which I took my health (and sanity?) for granted is done, now it's time to sit up and pay attention. Half-time is over, it's time to play serious ball.
This morning I received a lovely slap upside the head that was sorely needed. Miss Peyton turns 7 today. Four years ago Peyton was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and is now a survivor. To my eye there are no physical reminders of what Peyton went through, but as I looked at her birthday pictures today I could hear her tell me to get over myself, to get on with it and (if Anissa will forgive the Peyton voice in my brain), to kick the cancer's ass, like she did.
Oh, don't get me wrong - I will still whine and bitch occasionally. And I'm still not at the point where I have really accepted what's happening, but I'm getting there.
Thanks, Peyton. <3
Life has changed. I have read others talk about "life before/after" as being two different concepts and wondered if it really felt that demarcated, but the answer for me, at least for now, is yes. The life in which I took my health (and sanity?) for granted is done, now it's time to sit up and pay attention. Half-time is over, it's time to play serious ball.
This morning I received a lovely slap upside the head that was sorely needed. Miss Peyton turns 7 today. Four years ago Peyton was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia and is now a survivor. To my eye there are no physical reminders of what Peyton went through, but as I looked at her birthday pictures today I could hear her tell me to get over myself, to get on with it and (if Anissa will forgive the Peyton voice in my brain), to kick the cancer's ass, like she did.
Oh, don't get me wrong - I will still whine and bitch occasionally. And I'm still not at the point where I have really accepted what's happening, but I'm getting there.
Thanks, Peyton. <3
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